I should qualify to say whatever I’m about to, since I am biologically (and also identify as, for woke folks) female. It’s like the free pass we have to make racist comments, but only if they’re about your own race. So, toxic femininity. Let's go.
It’s tricky to determine where the awakening began. Perhaps it was the many Instagram Reels that seemed so dead right in exposing the myriad insensitivities of men. It might have been the article that Shakira somewhat called Barbie “emasculating”. Or more concerningly that I found myself agreeing with the other parts of her statement.
That’s not to say I didn’t thoroughly enjoy what I consider a revolutionary movie. I recall being disappointed at the reaction of male friends, who while not despising it the way chauvinistic online trolls do, did not seem to fully appreciate its brilliance either. But how could they?
This wasn’t a toy they spent their childhood with, so that alone eliminates sentimental resonance. They never had the complicated relationship of affection for the doll through the eyes of a girl, to questioning her caricature appearance as a woman. Nor have they been personally treated to the male gaze which, as Margot Robbie’s version observes, is underscored by the threat of violence.
A universal female experience so comedically yet accurately captured in that Master of None episode (S1E07: Ladies and Gentlemen); contrasting an evening return home for both sexes—a casual jaunt for one and sheer terror for the other, no prizes for guessing which is which.
It’s hard to dispute that phrase that what men fear most about going to prison is what women fear most walking down a quiet sidewalk. Or justify against why seven out of eight women would rather encounter a bear than a man alone in a forest.
This is not to demonise men, but it was a haunting revelation the day I counted the number of women I knew directly who have been sexually assaulted. It’s bitterly ironic to say this, but you just have to take my word that these were not “asking for it”-type situations, nor “asking for it”-type social circle.
So I certainly understand what’s fuelling the 4B Movement and other spouts of Down with the Patriarchy. Just as much as I will never understand how to strike that perfect balance of being attractive without being provocative, or how to strive towards that standard without looking like it.
Nonetheless, I also see how easy it is to be swept into the many waves of hate perpetuated by social media that often focus on polarising a topic; whether racial, political, or etc. The flavour of the season just happens to be gender disparity.
Sure, Boyboss is not a thing, but why do we act like only women are subject to unrealistic expectations? If societal pressure was one-sided, male mental health issues would not exist. Instead of ammunition to pit against each other, differences would be better handled as learning points towards empathy and synergy.
To quote the Columbian pop star, “We complement each other, and that complement should not be lost.”
