That’s literally how we came into the world. Screaming and crying with reckless abandon; with no consideration for a father who stayed up all night, and a mother who pushed through hours of intense labour pains. Then it became how we grew to view the world. Through the lens that we are the protagonists of our narratives; every life event a development in the story arc.
That’s why with each minor inconvenience or grave offence comes an indignation that we shouldn’t have to be put in that situation, or given such treatment. Yet should we minorly inconvenience or gravely offend others, we have our reasonable reasons and misunderstood motivations. We judge others by their actions, but ourselves by our intentions. So quick to let others know when they hurt us, often forgetting that hurt people hurt people.
Self-preservation is an evolutionary trait. It’s why we fight for what’s rightfully ours, but what we think is ours may not be right. Entitlement is invariably the root of the pettiest crimes to the biggest wars.
The prerequisite to change is empathy, actress and activist Michelle Yeoh once urged Harvard graduates in her speech. Seeing through other people’s perspective activates our compassion which becomes the driving force for real-world demonstrable action.
At some point in our naturally self-centred lives, we encountered “sonder”. The realisation that every individual we’ve passed, however brief, has a life as complex as our own. This also means that the journey that shaped their unwavering views is no different from what shapes our own to a matching degree of conviction.
It’s easy to empathise with loved ones, people we like, or like-minded people. It’s hard to empathise with people we have no relation to or respect for, or carry completely opposing views.
It’s easy to shirk consequences when someone else can take the fall. It's much harder to kill your rights and freedom than let another pay the price for it.
“Parents always say they will die for their kid,” A newly-minted parent recently told me, “That’s easy. You take a bullet for them and everything ends. Living for them is hard.” Previously reluctant to have children until the unexpected blessing arrived, the pair decided to cherish what some other couples could spend their entire youth and fortune striving for.
So, birthed profound lessons of what it means to live for someone other than yourself. What sacrificing your own desires and comforts for another’s sake is like. What joy, as many parents will profess, is found in looking at the world through a different set of eyes. How different and less painful our world could look, from every imperfect interaction to inhumane execution, if we respond by embracing others over ourselves.
