I struggle to remember the last time I truly appreciated a packaged gift, one that someone else had carefully thought about, selected and wrapped for me on a special occasion such as my birthday or Christmas. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. It’s just that as a grown adult, I have everything I need, and when I don’t then I have the means to buy it myself.
Like most children, I loved the idea of presents when I was under the age of, say, 16. At that point in life, you have no control. You have to wait to get the things that you want, be it a new toy or a trip to a theme park. Then, when you get to hold your own money, things change. You’re in charge. You eye up a new record (as I did circa 1999) and know that with a little budgeting, it’s yours in a matter of weeks. No need to wait for mummy to dangle it over you if you behave. Of course, there are things I cannot afford that if someone were to gift them to me I would absolutely lose my mind.
A sports car perhaps, parked outside my flat with a bow on it. Realistically, that isn’t going to happen. I’m not from a pedigree of folks who hand out gifts of that value, and if I were, I’d prefer to choose the vehicle myself. Nobody knows exactly what trim and upholstery you’re going to want inside.
What I want, what I really, really want, is time with the gift giver, assuming they’re an important part of my life. I want to go Japanese whiskey tasting with them, go to an immersive theatre show, or as a grad gesture, take a trip together. It’s how I divvy gifts myself too.
My mum is retired, and she’s someone who has given me gifts in some form all my life. In the last two decades, I’ve slowly weaned her off doing so. She used to be horrified, saying things like “I can’t NOT get you a 30th birthday present?”, but now she’s come to understand. Sure, for “good luck” on my 40th she gave me a small hongbao, but I ended up spending the money on her anyway. We went out for afternoon tea. When it comes to me buying gifts for her, I do what I can to spoil her but only by way of experiences. She has enough clutter in the house as it is. Due to age, she’s not so good at travelling, so a Virgin Voyage cruise around Europe is the easiest thing to do together next year. It’s something she’ll look forward to for many months, relish while on board, and the memories afterwards will live on and on. The same can’t be said for a handbag… and besides, she’s got plenty of those.
With long-time friends, we had fun exchanging gifts back at university, but 20-odd years on, we’ve run out of ideas. Rather than keep on at it we choose celebration over obligation. Shopping and gifting something the other person may not like is a waste of time. I’d rather we followed Michelle Yeoh to the Mandarin Oriental in Hyde Park for some life-changing omakase (because anything Michelle does is cool). In our busy lives, it’s an excuse to do something special together instead of a quick gift exchange session during an office lunch break. The experience is the gift, so effort has to be exercised, and late-night Izakayas like The Aubery always lead to stories because, well, Japanese highballs…
In the post-pandemic era, we’re focusing on connection. TikTok’s #underconsumption movement boasted over 39 million views worldwide. Perhaps we’ve had enough of stuff. Those things were not enough for us while we were locked up. Given the rising cost of living and the close proximity of Chinese New Year to Christmas (next year it falls on January 29th), I won’t be surprised if spending on gifts sees another decline in 2024.
Don’t get me wrong, I do have things; nice things. I just bought them myself over the years, and often during a sale. My Lavazza coffee machine. My Sustainable Rituals electric toothbrush. My Gentle Monster sunglasses (OK, they’re fakes from Kuala Lumpur, because I don’t trust myself with expensive sunnies). Yes, I sound like an old Beyoncé record, but it’s true and I don’t need someone else to get me these (somewhat luxury) essentials. I try not to purchase things I don’t need, and the things I do need are bought to my exact specifications because only I know exactly what I want.
For instance, there’s a store near me called Runners Need which puts customers on their treadmill to get their gait analysed and thus, have them fitted with the perfect pair of running shoes. Now, how is anyone going to surprise me with something that fits better than that? I was never gifted an item of clothing I truly loved and felt comfortable in.
If you’re seeing sense in what I’m saying, then consider switching things up next Christmas, Lunar New Year, or an upcoming birthday. How about skipping the store-bought items between us salaried adults, and doing something with the giver or receiver that you’ll all remember for years, possibly decades, to come? It could be a family holiday abroad, filled with adventure and new challenges. Or for the boys who have everything, how about getting together and donating your valuable time to helping a cause that matters to the group? Less shiny toys will be wasted in the process, and your hearts will be full. I couldn’t think of a better way to do December.
